My Cubbies
Dear Chicago Cubs,
Until I met you I had NEVER understood how people could get SO wrapped up in a team that it affects their moods. And this means a lot coming from me… I grew up in a home with people OBSESSED with the Red Sox. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always “liked” the Red Sox. I still cheer for them and hope they do well. I just never understood the obsession, no matter how I tried. Then I moved to Chicago and got introduced to YOU. And my entire life changed.
For the first year or so I just said “now I cheer for both teams… not just the Red Sox”. Then last year I stopped pretending. The truth is (sorry family) I don’t even care a little bit about the Red Sox or any of their games. I of course still HATE the yankees(but that’s just being a good American… all Americans should hate the yankees and the cowboys) and hope the Red Sox win, but it’s mostly for my family’s happiness. However when I started cheering for you I began to understand the pure joy, happiness, frustration, and devastation only real fans can “enjoy”.
From spring training all the way to the playoffs, my happiness revolves around one thing: how are my Cubbies playing?!?! How did this happen?!?!, you may ask. Well I’ll tell you how my intense love for you came about.
1. I love the city of Chicago more than I can express with words. Anyone who knows me knows that. I keep saying I’ll have to eventually move to NYC b/c I’m in the fashion industry, but truth be told… I’d be more than happy to stay in Chicago forever. I love it that much. Sure the winter can be a pain. But everyone is so nice here during that time, so I love it anyway. Then the summertime comes. One of my friends once said something SO true “the best thing about summer in Chicago is that it makes you forget all about winter in Chicago.” The summers here are SO ridiculously fun and awesome and the CUBS have a lot to do with that.
2. Wrigley Field. This deserves it’s own letter, which I will write soon, so I won’t go into too much detail. I’ll just say my first time here reminded me of what baseball is suppossed to be. What it used to be when I was young, and even when my parents were young! There’s no “cover” for the field (really Brewers?!?! You should be ashamed of that stadium!) if it rains or isn’t too warm. There’s no sushi bar (Seatle… sushi? At a baseball game?… you suck). There’s no fancy high-tech no stadium with all the amenities (yeah I’m talking to you new yankees stadium). And before anyone even TRIES to say “you’re just jealous”… that is the most UNTRUE statement ever. I could not possibly be more proud that my team place in one of the oldest stadiums in the United States. At Wrigley it’s all about the game (ok and the beer), the excitement, the TEAM. It’s not just going to a baseball game, it’s having a experience. And it’s awesome.
3. I live SO close to Wrigley on the north side (5 blocks!) and everyone on this side of town just loves the Cubbies so much, it’s hard not to join in. They are a loveable team (unless of course you like the much-less loved in Chicago, the White Sox or the Cardinals).
4. I met Ryan Dempster and Soriano and both are just so nice. Dempster turned red when I said something along the lines of “ohhh my gosh I can’t believe I’m putting cuff links on ryan dempster”. Awww. Plus Theriot and Fontenot (who I’m gonna need to meet me so he can just go ahead and start falling in love with me!) live around me and frequent a pub/bar around the corner from my house! How can I not love a team who lives kinda near me and who are so down-to earth?
5. The Go Cubs Go song that is played at the end of every home game the Cubbies win. This song makes me happier than you can imagine. I of course know all the words, who it’s buy, and have it on my ipod. I could be in the worst mood but when this song comes on I get immediately giddy! Just watching the games on TV and seeing them sing the song makes me happy. I would NEVER even contemplate leaving a game early, even if we were losing by 20, just IN CASE we came back and I would end up missing singing this song.
Bottom line is, I am now a ridiculously huge Cubs fan. I live and breathe for this team and bleed Cubby blue. Last year I was so happy all year cause we were so awesome then, in true Cubbies fashion, they choked. And I “got” to experience the soul-crushing event. I now know how my family felt for years when The Red Sox always blew it. I literally could not watch baseball or even listen to anything about it for months. I was completely devastated. I couldn’t even listen to the Go Cubs Go song on my ipod… a TRUE sign of depression. But by the time spring training came around my devastation had subsided and I was ready to BELIEVE again. And I do… I completely believe in you. Even though you haven’t been having the best season, I BELIEVE and I always will regardless of your lack of world series wins, your history of choking, and even if you have the worst record that year. Does that make me stupid? Ignorant? Hopeless? A fool? NO… it makes me a TRUE FAN.
I love you my Cubbies, you’ve taught me what it means to be a completely obsessed fan and I will be forever grateful… or at least until you completely rip my heart out again.
With as much love as my heart can hold,
Jessica “voted hottest cubs fan of the week 7/5/09″ (true story, I have the e-mail, don’t worry about it)
New Apartment Neighbors!
Dear guys living in the apartment above mine,
I’ll start off by saying, I’ve been living here for a month and I don’t even think I’ve seen you once. However that hasn’t prohibited me from learning a few things about you. How did I learn them, you ask?!?! Through the blessing/curse of thin ceilings and vents, naturally!!
The first thing I know is that there’s at least 2 of you up there. Maybe 3, I don’t know,I can never be sure since I haven’t ever see you. I will admit, my dear upstairs neighbors, that I thought you guys were lame and boring since I hardly ever heard you do anything. THEN you had an EXTREMELY loud party on a Thursday night that went until about 3 AM. Which is totally fine, I wasn’t mad and I’m not gonna hate. I go out every Thursday also. IN fact I didn’t even get home til almost 1 that night (and it’s Thursday and I’m going out again… kareoke anyone?!?!). My only gripe was: Why wasn’t I invited?!?! I don’t really care if you’ve never met me. I live below you. If you’re going to have a loud crazy party into the late hours of the night, the decent thing to do is to invite me so you don’t keep me up alone in my apt wondering why I didn’t get invited to the party upstairs. Not meeting me is NOT a valid excuse. I’m a fun girl, I love parties so invite me!!
Another fun tidbit I’ve learned from living below you: You boys love to sing. Loudly. Really loudly. And not normal songs. The first time I heard singing I was confused. Then I heard you belt out “CAN YOU TAKE ME HIGHER” by Creed. You can imagine my suprise at hearing this song. Why Creed?!?! Does anyone seriously like them? It’s not 2001, Creed is over. I had literally forgotten about that song as well as the band. THEN I heard you sing something that made my heart over-fill. You started singing classical opera songs… and HARMONIZING together. When I heard this I clearly went right over to the vent on my ceiling and listened while giggling with unbridled glee. What happened next is what made me love you, as well as caused confusion. As you were harmonizing (beautifully, I must say) one of you stopped and told the other one they had the wrong note and sang the correct one. This caused me to have so many questions. I had previously thought you were some guys who liked to belt out Creed once in awhile (I have to say again.. WHY CREED?!?!). Then when I heard the harmonizing, I got utterly confused. Are you two roomies who love to sing together? Do you frequent different kareoke nights and like to pratice? Are you in a theatre group? Do you have your own showtunes choir? Do you have BBM? Twitter? Facebook? Are you a gay couple? I DON’T KNOW!!!
You can see I have so many questions and so little answers. I’d really like to meet you so I can get some answers. So come on downstairs and meet me. If you don’t you’ll force me to do one of the following: Go into the laundry room whenever I think I hear someone then start an awkward conversation about laundry detergent 2. Jump out of my apartment as fast as I possibly can when Ihear footsteps coming down the front steps and yell SUPRISE. I’ve tried both of these, and as you know (since we haven’t met) they have been wildy unsuccessful!
Hoping to meet you soon,
Your non-lyrically talented downstairs neighbor, Jessica 
PS. WHY CREED?!?!!?
My Crackberry
Dear Blackberry Curve,
I never thought I could love a phone so much. You were really out to prove me wrong, weren’t you, you sexy minx?!?! I wasn’t expecting to even get you, you came to me as a suprise gift. And you DID suprise me, in so many ways. I had always said “all I need on a phone is a vibrate setting, an alarm clock, and text messaging.” Then you came along and showed me that I was being a HUGE LIAR!!! There are so many things about you that I didn’t even know I wanted in a phone and now I can’t imagine living without them! Here are some examples:
BBM. For those of you not in the know…. or who are lame and opted for the less popular smart phone, the iphone… that stands for blackberry messanger. And it rules. It’s so much more fun than text messanging. Why would I even bother to text anyone anymore?!?! (Well, because not everyone has a fancy blackberry like you, that’s why) It’s like instant messanging FROM YOUR MOBILE PHONE!! It brings me back to the college/high school days that were spent sitting around the computer talking to friends online. Except it’s AT LEAST double the fun cause it’s from your phone and you don’t have to be at home in front of a computer, you can be ANYWHERE! A few more fun things about bbm: the symbols/icons you can use. You can send thumbs up or down, actual yellow smiley faces, kisses, and a heart. HOW FUN. You may not use these too often… in fact if you do, please stop, excessie symbols really makes them less special. But once in a while that thumbs up really speaks volumes and it s fun suprise to see! And (this may be my favorite part) you can tell exactly when the message is delivered AND when the person reads this. If you are a total creeper, like I am, you can tell when people read your messages then, if they don’t respond, you can bbm them more with creepy things like”I know you read that, I can tell, BBM ME BACK IMMEDIATELY!!” It’s real fun to creep people out… thanks bbm!
Brickbreaker. This feature alone has changed my life. Seriously. This game has kept me up late at nights, kept me from being bored waiting in lines, and has been an excellent distraction when I’m alone and trying to pretend I’m looking at you to prevent weird men from talking to me. I also like to brag to my friends about my high scores. Brickbreaker frustrates me when I lose and makes me happy when I win. The ONLY bad thing about this is that, for people like me, who MAY just drop you on a regular basis and cause the battery to come out, it doesn’t save your progress and you have to start a NEW game ALL over. This sucks because 2 weeks ago I has over 500,000 points with 94 lives. And now I am sad I lost that score simply because I dropped my phone at a cubs game and the battery popped out! I still love this feature you have and will forever be trying to achieve the score I once had.
Facebook. It’s simply not enough to only have facebook when I’m at home. JUST BECAUSE I don’t have a desk job, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to check my facebook at random times throughout the day. You, my love, have made this task possible for me. In fact, facebook is right on the front home screen and I love it. I can now check everyone’s “status updates” and creepily stalk all my “friends” more accurately throughout the day. I couldn’t effectively do this without you, so I am grateful (some of my “friends” on facebook are not!).
Yahoo email (or any e-mail account really). I can check my email without connecting to the internet and paying the ridiculous fees. And the many random emails I get throughout the day have been brilliant excuses for getting out of really awkward conversations. All it takes it a small glance at you when you vibrate, a sigh, shrug, then “gotta check this, it might be from my boss” and then walk away. Perfection
There are still many other things I adore about you. The fact that I can download “apps” from the “blackberry app store”. I mean, I don’t do this cause it kind of confuses me, but I love the fact that if I ever stop being lazy and lame and learn how to do it, I CAN. Many people don’t even have a phone that gives them that option like YOU do! I realize it should bother me that my smartphone is smarter than I am, but it doesn’t. I’m just proud to own something as smart and amazing as you are. You really have earned your nickname “crackberry”. Congratulations!
Wishing I was writing this blog post on you instead of my computer,
Jessica
PS. I forgot, unlike the “NEW AND IMPROVED “iphone, you can actually send and recieve picture mail. You’re way better, don’t even worry about it.
Bachelor/Bachlorette…You Blow!
Dear producers of the Bachelor/Bachlorette shows,
The jig is up. We know you’re fake. Your show is so ridiculous and over-produced, it’s taken out all the romance. I can’t really blame you completely. You are 100% sure that even though only ONE couple out of at least 15 worked, people will still watch. Since no one even remotely cares whether these “couples” stay together, why wouldn’t you make it as stupid and over the top as possible? We, as dumb, careless, mindless consumers, will still watch it. And when the couple INEVITABLY breaks off their enagagement or wedding, no one will even bat an eye, because it’s happened SO MANY TIMES before. I’m convinced you sit there and create these “scenerios” trying to one up each other while laughing together and seeing how many people you can fool. WELL YOU AREN’T FOOLING ME!!
Let’s take this past week for example: Jillian (or Gillian? who cares!) and Ed climb into a FOUNTAIN to MAKE OUT. How queer. NO ONE would do that, NO ONE. Not even me, and I love doing weird crap. In the middle of Spain?!?! No wonder people from other countries hate Americans. Stop making out in their fountains. You could even tell they were kinda trying not to laugh about it in the fountain. Plus Ed lives in the Chi and told people EVERYTHING they do the producers make them. Well obviously.
And don’t get me started on Jason, the last bachelor. You used his kid so much during the season it bordered on child abuse. And I AM SORRY but you CANNOT be so overjoyed EVERY SINGLE TIME you see your son that you run and tackle him and burst into tears. NOTE TO PRODUCERS: it was cute ONCE on the bachlorette, ONCE. When he hasn’t seen his kid in 3 days and is doing it, it’s annoying and using his kid to get female viewers. Smart, on your part from a ratings aspect, but completely pathetic on his part.
I guess I can’t even blame you for this, since you have people who are WILLING to go through this to be on TV for “love”. REALLY? You can’t get a date? Seriously? I can go out tonight and have a date for tomorrow, it’s not that hard. They don’t cast ugly people, so you’re probably cute if you go on the show… get yourself a date! Men… ASK GIRLS OUT. Women… men aren’t particularly hard, just go out and smile at one. If he doesn’t ask you out, give him your card. It’s really not difficult. Also.. if you’re “too shy” to go up to people when you’re out… YOU SHOULD BE TOO SHY TO BE ON TV, Idiot!
And what’s with “having to get engaged” by the end of the show? You know who was my favorite? Well, I guess it’s a tie. Brad cause he dumped both of them and Bob cause he was just like…. “uhhh let’s see where this goes”. It wasn’t romantic, but it WAS realistic. You know why they don’t work out? Because YOU ARE ON THE REBOUND from 24 other people. Seriously, when you get engaged you have just dumped another person before that. You know what’s the absolute LAST thing I want to do after I dump a guy? GET ENGAGED! I want to cry and eat ice cream and get over him before promising a lifetime to another person.
Here’s some things I would change/rules I would make if I were the Bachlorette:
1. No engagement at the end. In fact anyone who says I love you after 4 dates while I’m dating 3 other guys, gets dumped. You don’t love me. Seriously. I’m dating 3 other people and we’ve known each other 3 weeks. Settle down cowboy.
2. No fantasy suites… I will not sleep with you, in ANY sense of the word on national television. I’m not a whore. My dad is watching this!!!
3. No more saying the phrase”alone time” it makes me want to vomit. I hate so much when they interview people and they say “I got alone time with her!” You know what “alone time” is in the normal world? A DATE.
4. No ball gowns. Jeans and casual outfits please!! When do you ever wear ball gowns in real life? they’re not even flattering (on me anyway). I’m short.
5. No random shots of me oiling up in my bikini and no hot tob scenes. You know how often REAL people go in hot tubs? I can’t remember the last time I did and my parents have one at their house. Please get over the obsession with hot tubs, it’s unhealthy.
6. No more 2 on 1 dates. or roses on 1 on 1 dates. I know why this goes on. So you can have that awkward shot of the person leaving in the most inconvienent and humiliating mode of transportation you can think of when they don’t get the rose, but it’s stupid. And we know they’re not really that sad since it obviously took 5 different camera angles to get, so probably about half an hour to shoot.
7. No more making up songs contests. In fact, anyone singing/rapping to me in any form is grounds for immediate dismissial. No questions will be asked.
8. You should shoot it in the person’s hometown. Then maybe ,JUST MAYBE ,they’d have a better chance of working out since it’s not all over the top romantic dates but as “real life” as you can get it. I’d film mine in Chicago and make everyone go to cubbies games, eat Chicago hot dogs, watch arrested development, eat chipotle, and ride the el. Would it make for great TV? Probably not, but I bet it’d make for a better relationship AND ISNT THAT WHAT YOUR SHOWS ABOUT?!?!
9. No more Chris Hanson. How lazy is that dude?? Your only job is to say “this is the final rose”. You are useless. Instead of him, I’m bringing my sister Jenny. Sure I’d try to pass some of the guys off to her and we’d get distracted and laugh a lot at nothing, all the while trying to convince people to put us on The Amazing Race, but still she’d be a better sounding board than a guy who couldn’t care less about who I end up with. (Also Jenny would pee her pants saying “this is the final rose” She’d totally throw a DUH in at the end or ask why I kept a certain guy haha… that’s good TV).
10. Any guy who strips down to his underwear and jumps in the pool gets kicked off. Again, no questions asked. I don’t care if you have a hot body. If I want to see it, I’ll ask you to take off your shirt, believe me, I will.
Please take these things into careful consideration and your show may not be doomed to be as fake and maybe the couples might end up actually caring about each other. One thing I wouldn’t change: the free wardrobe you clearly give people on the show. Actually that’s reason enough for me to go on it.
The most DRAMATIC conclusion to a letter YET,
Jessica Boulet
Traveling Woes
Dear people traveling by plane,
I decided to do like one of my favorite magazines, Glamour, and make a list of DO’s and DON’T's for you guys… since it has become VERY clear to me that most of you are in the dark on how to travel…. and be decent human beings.
DO: Shower. It’s easy. If it’s an early flight, shower the night before. At the very least wash down a little with a wash cloth. Slap on some deodarant (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE…this part is VITAL), dab on a LITTLE perfume/cologne and head out the door. It’s easy and not time consuming.
DONT: Take off your shoes. Really?? Is this your living room or is it public flight with 100 other people?!?! It’s one thing if you have flip flops on in the summer and they kinda slide off… it is QUITE another when you have on gross yellow (used to be white) sweaty socks with sneakers that you’ve kicked off. Why should I have to smell that? Why should anyone on the plane? Get it together.
DO: Check in online if you are flying southwest and want a certain seat.
DONT: not check in online, come in last on the plane and ask me to move so you can sit with your husband/daughter/whoever. This puts me in an awkward position. If I don’t move I have a pissy person next to me who will keep turning around and talking to her husband who she just CANNOT live without for 2.5 hours on a flight. if I move, I’m in a middle seat. I DID check in online and wanted an aisle seat b/c I have to pee a lot during flights. If you are traveling with more than one person WHY WOULDNT YOU CHECK IN ONLINE?!?! Especially when there isnt’ assigned seating. Which reminds me, if you’re stupid enough not to think to check in online, DONT ask someone else who was much smarter than you and DID check in online to move. It’s rude.
DO: Wear normal clothes. Not fleece pajama pants. We are not in your bedroom. The rest of us got up and put on clothes and look normal. Why couldn’t you? If you are over the age of 7, pajamas on a plane is innapropriate. And while we are it no exercise clothes. Are you going to start doing sprints down the aisles and doing crunches in your seats? Probably not. Yoga pants=for yoga… nothing else.
DONT: wear a turban on a plane. Self-explanatory.
DO: Give your child a valium. Kids are the worst on planes. I mean, they’re already kinda annoying, then when they start screeching, it’s unbearable. Drug them. Please. If you MUST take them with you, it’s the kindest thing to do for the rest of us on the plane. If you’re against drugging your child, put a little whiskey in their bottle. Never hurt anyone. While we’re at it. Please stop your child from staring at me. This forces me to do one of the following:1. Ignore a kid… which makes me feel rude and I can still feel them staring. 2. Make stupid faces at them… I feel stupid doing them and the dumb kid never tires of it. It’s annoying. Tell your creepy kid to stop looking at me. This is a chance for a good life lesson: STARING IS RUDE!
DONT: Start talking to me when I’m reading/trying to sleep/listening to my ipod, or not looking at you. Take the hint: I’m not interested in talking to you. If I nod and smile and say hello when I sit down, it’s just because I’m a decent person. It’s not because I want to know if you’re from where you’re flying to or from. I don’t want to know why you’re going there/who you’re visiting, or anything else. And I don’t want to tell you all about my business when you ask. Let’s face facts, I’ll never see or hear from you again, so let’s just skip all the formalities and let me get on with what I was doing before I was interrupted by YOU.
DO: Purchase 2 seats if you can’t fit into one. I know, I know, this sounds harsh and is probabaly not very “politically correct” to say. However, if YOU had to sit between 2 people who BOTH should have bought 2 seats for themselves and they BOTH insisted on putting up the arm rests cause “it’s much more comfortable” (hint: couldn’t fit in the seat if arm rests weren’t up) and you left the plane with sweat marks down both your legs from their excess….weight… you wouldn’t be happy and would want people to abide by this rule. Do I think they should make airplane seats bigger? YES! Absolutely! But until they do… at LEAST buy first class. Or complain to the airline. Don’t punish me, I didn’t do anything.
Now, if you all abide by these common laws, I think flying will be a much better experience for everyone involved. Thank you in advance for your cooperation!
Flying can be fun,
Jessica
PS. I drank 2 diet cokes while writing this
Ohh Diet Coke
My dearest Diet Coke,
Our torrid love affair began many years ago. And like many affairs, it started when people kept telling me how BAD you are for me. That just made me thirst for you ALL THE MORE. I made a promise to began having you everyday. At least once a day. It’s been 12 years and I haven’t regretted it ONCE.
There have been many a time when people have urged me to give you up, told me you’re bad for me. He’ll make you fat (dont care), he causes you to eat more sweets (so???), and he’s just not good for you. But I ask this, how can something that gives me so much pleasure REALLY be that bad? That first year or 2 it started as just once a day. However, now sometimes I’ll have you up to 5 or 6 times a day! WOOO! It’s never really enough.
I don’t know if I can even describe that first sip of pure goodness. In 12 years your taste has never once diminished and has always satisfied me completely. Like most love affairs, I truly feel like I can’t live one day without you. In fact, I don’t even want to try. You make me feel alive when I’m done with you. I feel awake and ready to take on the world. So please, diet coke, don’t ever leave me. Sometimes restaraunts leave me without the option of having you, and they ask if I want *shudder* a diet PEPSI. Don’t worry, I would NEVER EVER cheat on you!!! Diet Pepsi makes me want to vomit. In fact, I won’t even have the less attractive and appealing sprite in your place. Because, diet coke, nothing satisfies me the way YOU do. I love you and am going to go have you now.
Your lover,
Jess
PS. (Did this sound slightly sexual?!?!?)
Facebook status updates!!!
Dear election facebook status updates,
You are hysterical. I get giddy with glee when I read you. I love when people think you will change the outcome of the election or change people’s minds. You won’t. You didn’t. And you will continue not to. But I like how the users of you continue to think you will. Their blinding faith in you is somewhat touching.
You are fun. I like to update you into controversial things so people argue with me and send me hate mail and leave me rude messages on things. People get CRANKY during this time. You HAVE done something good for me though… you made me make up my mind about which party is more annoying. And REPUBLICANS YOU WIN!!!!!!… THIS TIME!!! We’ll see who wins in the next election!! I think the democrats can catch up, we’ll see To be fair, most of my “facebook friends” are republicans (with annoying statuses)… so maybe that is why.
But most people are glad it’s over so you, political update statuses, go away. However, I am not. You amused me to no end, helped me pick pointless fights just for fighting’s sake, and got everyone’s panties all in a bunch. For these reasons I love you and will miss you immensely for the next 4 years!! Hopefully you will last at least another week then make a strong return around January 20th for some “post Christmas election humor.” HOWEVER, according to one of you guys, you’re praying for the rapture to come before then! hahahahaha. That was a good one.
What i think is soooo nice about you is the people “praying” for Obama to crash and burn. Forget that this is at the expense of our economy and countless people’s jobs… I hope YOU get your vengence!!! I mean, YOU DESERVE IT!
I’ll be somewhat bored when you start reflecting what people are actually doing instead of showing their views. I mean, I don’t care if you’re at school or work… I DO care that you “are a christian and support killing unborn babies! Go Obama! (saracasm anyone)”. These are MUCH more fun to read, and let’s face it, much more offensive!! You were fun while you lasted.
Hoping to see you again soon,
Jessica
Love/Hate Letters
Dear NYC,
I love and adore you. I will be visiting again shortly and hopefully moving to you by the end of the year. So if you could help me out and make sure there’s a job there for me as well as a place to live that I can afford I would greatly appreciate it. Also, get ready for my arrival as I will be extremely excited and going out A LOT. I’d also appreciate a non-creepy roommate so I can afford my rent.
Thanks NYC! Hope you can get all this done for me cause I really do love you a lot and want to move to you. I will also be closer to my brother and cousins and the minis I love. This would make me happy!!
Love you,
Jess
Dear Republicans and Democrats,
You are both equally annoying and I hate both of you equally. I’m not sure which party I am more annoyed with. This has ZERO to do with the candidates is the funny thing. I think they both look like nice guys. Everyone who knows me knows how I love old people so much, so naturally I adore McCain. And I like Palin ONLY because she looks like Tina Fey (but I also hate her because I wanted to be Tina Fey for halloween, but everyone would think I was being stupid Palin…. ruined my whole costume!!!). And Obama seems like a kewl guy and e-mailed me back when I e-mailed him… and i KNOW it wasn’t from him “technically” but it seemed like it was and I loved it. Plus he’s my senator and I feel like that’s nice.
So I literally cannot wait until this stupid election is over and everyone keeps their opinions to themselves. I think it’s great our country can vote and elect it’s own leaders, i really do. however that also means everyone spouts of their opinions. So I think the best way to vote is to vote for the party who annoys me the least. That way I can use my vote against the party that is annoying me… HAHA the ultimate revenge. SOoo…. which party is the most annoying? YOU BOTH WIN! Too many celebrities like you, democrats, and that annoys me because celebrities are annoying and, let’s face it… kinda vain and stupid. Also you LIKED McCain when he was behind in the republican race but NOW you act like he is “just like Bush”. I remember many of you saying, “John McCain isn’t that bad, I like him.” MY MY MY, how the tables have turned since he actually got the republican nomination! THAT is annoying!
Republicans, you act like the entire world will cease to exist and blow up if Obama is elected. Which is just not true. ALSO, Obama is not a terrorist. Turn off 24 and start living in the real world. He’s a nice guy. And his wife dresses very cute. You also act like anyone who is a democrat hates God or is just voting that way to be cool. Which isn’t true AND YOU KNOW IT Republicans! So quit being so stupid.
So, as you can see, we’re at a standstill. What’s it gonna be? Probably neither!
Apathetic,
Jessica
PS Sorry I told people I’d never get political…. but I don’t feel like this is really that political…. just wanting this election to be over already! Plus I didn’t lean one way or the other on my opinions
I’m TOTALLY a size 4!!!
Dear male H&M employee (the one on Michigan Ave),
You made my entire week with a few simple words. As I was checking out a dress in your hand you were putting back, you said, “Oh look, we have it in your size, here’s a 4!!” I feel like the world stopped at that moment. You can imagine my elation. Yeah, I’m not an 8 in H&M, I’m a 4!!! You totally cut my size in HALF! I felt like a skinny supermodel that I pretend to hate, but I was secretly excited. WELL… actually not secretly, since I screeched, “Oh my God, I love you”. Then gave you a big hug. I also proceeded to walk around H&M saying very loudly, “I’m a size 4…. size 4′s can wear this, and THAT is what I am.”
I am not in ANY way, shape, or form a size 4. I want everyone to know that. And I’m cool with that. I’m actually borderline cocky about myself. I think I’m totally fabulous and love every curve of my body. I adore when my butt looks big (which is why I purchased the adorable sweater dress…. size 8, thank you!). But what I love, is that even though I am not a size 4…. you THINK I am a size 4. And isn’t that what REALLY matters??? I now feel like I can continue to chow because I LOOK like a size 4. Who even cares what size I really am? NOT ME!
If this was a plan to make me buy something…. brilliant. I don’t even care if it was cause I was so happy. I don’t know of any girls who dont like to be told they are thinner (or younger for that matter) than they are. And you did that for me. And I love you. You should totally win best sales associate of the year. Thanks for making my week and making me feel more fabulous than I already do! And this after I just chowed on 10 cent wings (really, 10 cents!!! The Rail in Chicago on Monday nights, check it out, best deal EVER).
Your skinny size 4 friend,
Jessica
Twitter? Huh???
Dear Twitter,
I don’t know who you are or what you do. Who are you? Why are you used? Why are you called Twitter? You are confusing to me. At first, I didn’t want to say anything since all the cool blog kids know who are you, what you do, and how to use you. I didn’t want to seem uncool or like I don’t fit in. But tonight I thought, “The jig is up…. WHAT ARE YOU TWITTER??!?!!?”
I know a few things about you: 1. I like your name, it makes me giggle. Mostly because if you remove the “w” you become titter, and THAT is funny. 2. You are used on people’s websites to “update” what they are doing. I keep seeing these words: via twitter. How do I get a twitter? Can anyone have one? Is a twitter a perverted body part? I DON’T KNOW!!!!
How come everyone else knows you, twitter, and I have no idea?!?! I’m tired of pretending. I’ll be honest, at first I thought you were a thing only used on iphones and I automatically hated you. Now I feel bad, because my beloved cousins Amy and Meade (if I knew how to make a link to their website just by posting their names I totally would… but just go to the side and hit “doxxa” that’s them) also had those words “via twitter” on their facebook AND their website, and they don’t have an iphone!! It’s not just Art (same problem as before… he’s the long name under Doxxa) who has an iphone. THEN I saw LIZZY (once again… the last name) had Via Twitter on her status update (again no iphone). WHY CAN’T I USE VIA TWITTER?!?! I feel like you are some club I don’t know about. It hurts my feelings. I want to be invited to a “via twitter” event.
The other thing is, I’m FAIRLY positive Meade explained to Artie about you while I was sitting in the living room. BUT how was I to know I should pay attention to you and not play bejeweled on my computer? I only laughed at the name in my head then didn’t listen. Now I wish I did. Because I still have no idea what you are and I feel left out. I wish I was cool enough to hang out with you twitter. Until then, I’ll just be laughing at your name and wondering what you are and how I can get one of you.
Via,
Jessica
