Dear Life,

Hello everyone! 

Well I am going through a lot of big changes in my life right now, which is why I am joining this little page.  To let everyone know how it;s going.

I’m really excited about change.  I know people like to be comfortable, but I really do enjoy a change.  Unfortunately, one of the biggest changes in my life as of recent has been losing my best friend in the entire world and awesome boyfriend.  That sounded like he died… he didn’t, we just broke up.  But I feel like he died.  We agreed not to talk, which makes it easier to get over him, but sad because so many stupid things happen in the day that no one else would care even a little bit, and he used to listen to them and comment regardless of how silly they were.  It’s only been a few days, and I’m doing OK.  The great thing is I have such AWESOME friends around here.  I swear, my boys out here have made sure to call, email, text, or take me out, everyday since then.  I love them to death and am so thankful they’re here.

The most difficult thing is not knowing how he is.  I’m much more worried about how he is doing.  I KNOW I will be OK.  I’ll be sad for a long time, but I will be OK.  And I think he will be too, but I won’t be there to make sure he is, and that is hard for me.  I care about him more than I can express.  I don’t know how you couldn’t with someone you’ve been with for the better part of 4 years.  The great thing is that I have absolutely NO bitterness, hatred, anything at all towards him.  I don’t want anyone to hate him in the least and it hurts me to see him hurt more than me hurting.  PLUS I don’t want him being distracted because his boards are soon!  So pray for him that he can stay focused, be happy, and do well.

It’s funny how when one change happens, a million more follow it.  I may be moving next year (or just in July actually).  It could be to a few different places.  One could just be a new area of the city, by myself.  Which I am excited about.  I’ve never lived by myself and I think it will be cool.  I may need to get a new job to afford it however!  Another option I’ve been looking into is moving to a completely different country.  I want to move to Italy.  Not forever, but for a little while.  A year maybe.  I’ve just started to think about it.  but it’s funny, the things “holding you back” have a funny way of dispearing all at once!  I don’t want to say Dane was holding me back.  I mean, I WANTED to stay here and be near him.  It wasn’t like I was dying to go and he wouldn’t let me.  It’s just, I’ve always wanted to travel.  When I was with him, my priorities shifted.  I wanted a future with him.  When that didn’t work out, I started thinking about traveling or living abroad again.  THEN another reason was leaving my roomate high and dry.  THEN she talked to me about wanting to move to the west side with another girl.  Which makes sense.  She works out there, goes to church out there, and loves it.  I wouldn’t move there if someone paid my rent for me.  So that’s out of the way too.  Then of course… MONEY and a JOB.  haha, always the big factors.  THAT is the part I’m looking into now.

I also am trying to run half a marathon (I’m not motivated enough to try for the full, haha).  I’m not sure if my ankle will be ready for it.  It sometimes still hurts, but i know a lot of my friends are doing it too.  Yeah!  Anyway… all this to say.  I am doing ok.  I will be fine.  I appreciate everyone’s love and concern for the situation.  I also want to say I am NOT sad that we “aren’t getting married”, or anything along those lines.  I’m very sad I’ve lost my greatest friend, who also happened to be my boyfriend.  Not getting married or having kids soon aren’t really a factors to my sadness.  Just him.  Someone who I care about.  I hope he’s OK.